so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
