I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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