just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
