Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
