I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
