So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
