singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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