oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
