trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
