Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He better not be in your backpack
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
