sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
