I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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