Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
