I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
