I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
