I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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