Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
