That's intense
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
