i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Green mimosas i think yes
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
