We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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