For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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