I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
