guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
