I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
