You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
