i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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