no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
