i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
