I'm going to jail i love you
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Randomize
