Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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