Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
