i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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