he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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