Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I need to stop coming to work sober
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
