??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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