I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
