So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
