How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Is it because I queefed?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
