she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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