I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
