My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
