when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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