when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
