You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
