he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
