almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
