did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
