You can't special order awesome
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
