Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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