No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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