Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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