His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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