If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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